I wanted to breastfeed Charlie, but with his heart, it took too much energy. He was using more energy trying to eat than the calories he was putting in. So… a pump was brought into our room and I started to pump. The nurses were all impressed at the crazy amount I was pumping. It's really amazing what our bodies can do. My body knew that he needed lots of that good stuff filled with calories to help him grow. I immediately felt disconnected with him though. Even in the hospital, everyone else was feeding him my milk and all I was doing was pumping.
I exclusively pumped for about 5 months for Charlie and continued with supplementation until he was about 7 months. It was a lot of work (pumping, storing, making bottles, washing bottles, and feeding), but it was what was best for my boy and I'd do it all over again. However, I felt like I missed out on that great breastfeeding experience that everyone talks about.
Skip to Owen… I was very excited I was going to be able to actually nurse my baby! Owen had a great latch in the hospital and we were kicking butt in the breastfeeding department! Then we came home… everything started going downhill. Cracked, bleeding, sore, engorged. You name a problem that comes with it and I had it. Every time Owen would wake up, I'd cringe- I knew I'd have to feed him again. I cried at every latch and most of the feed. One night Tommy took him while I was crying and gave him a bottle of formula. I felt like a big fat failure- here I was with milk literally pouring out and he couldn't have it.
I called the next day and scheduled an appointment with a lactation consultant. They couldn't see me for almost another week, but just knowing that I had an appointment for help made me keep trying and power through. Jessie (the LC) is awesome and put him right on there and it was wonderful! Then we went home again… I felt overwhelmed and couldn't remember anything she said. So, I called and went back in a few days later. This time, I took Tommy so he could help once we got home. Jessie suggested a nipple shield again and I took it this time. Finally, things continued to go well once we got home. It's been 2.5 months and we're still using the shield, but at least he's nursing.
It's extremely messy, time consuming, frustrating when he plays instead of eats, and at times still very painful, but it's absolutely BEAUTIFUL when he falls asleep nursing and cuddles in with mommy.
Jamie says
I feel your pain with the issues. While I didn’t have physical pain during nursing, I would become engorged consistently. I’d wake up in the middle of the night and have to pump to relieve the pain. At the assurance of my family–all breastfed for at least a year and never had issues–I neglected to save the milk. Then, when my son was 6 months old, I dried up. I tried everything, LCs, herbs, diet, you name it. Nothing worked. I could no longer nurse my baby, and I felt like a failure as a mom. Friends and family were not encouraging, either. To this day, I get upset and tear up when the subject is brought up. Thanks for sharing your situations.
Beth says
Oh boy can I relate to your story, I have a two month old and we went home from the hospital using a shield. Went to the Dr and he lost too much weight so the supplementing began. After a month or so at home, one day, my son latched without the shield and it was painfully beautiful. Although we have to supplement I won’t stop nursing because the bonding time is priceless. I am not sure if you have tried Medela Lanolin cream but if you haven’t I highly recommend it. I use it after each and every feeding and it has helped tremendously and lately the pain is almost completely gone.
Kim Porter says
I wish you luck on continuing breast feeding even after the struggles you’ve gone through. It’s tough. I know because I did it for a little over two years.
Jesica Helgren says
Great story! I wish I had your supply. My problem is I have good feeders and not enough to go around. My daughter is 3mo and I am already starting to dry up… I’ve never produced much with any of my 3 kids, but it really sucks when you WANT to breastfeed and cannot.
Lianne says
I had your exact problem with Owen! Things were fine in the hospital, but when we got home, I was bloody and raw, and so terrified of feeding her. 🙁 Luckily, things improved VASTLY when her mouth got a little bigger, and I’m so glad I stuck it out!
Christina Shirley says
I remember the troubles that my bff had with nursing. She would bleed into the milk and would have to start pumping all over again. It was so rough for her trying to breast feed with all 3 of her children, and in the end she ended up having to switch to formula. I’m glad you found something that works for you!
Christina Shirley says
Oh boy do I remember these days, good for you for sticking it out. I gave up after a few short months. Later I found out my first had an issue digesting my breast milk so we were glad we switched to formula.
Christina Shirley says
Gosh, sorry to read about you difficulties with this. But glad that you get to have the experience now, even if it’s not perfect. I remember the sore nipples. That hurt like heck! They eventually toughened up though. Best of luck with your future feedings!
Christina Shirley says
The first 3 weeks with my daughter were horrible. She was in the NICU with jaundice- so they had to bottle feed her a lot. It took time to get her to agree to nurse. *I am so glad that stage is over. I do not miss that nasty soggy nipple feeling!
Christina Shirley says
I never got the chance to breastfeed as I had to go back on meds because of failing kidneys but son took to bottle and was happy so I was happy.
Christina Shirley says
I breastfed exclusively for 6 weeks before I had to go back to work and then I pumped daily so she didn’t have to drink formula. I actually breastfed until she was 13 months old when she decided she’d had enough. I endorse breastfeeding wholeheartedly.
Christina Shirley says
Thank you for sharing your journey. I planned to “try” and then nursed my daughter until age 5 and my 4 year old is nursing once a week or so.
Christina Shirley says
I love your commitment to breastfeeding your kids even when it was difficult. Your story will really help others struggling with this too!
Christina Shirley says
You are a very dedicated momma! Most mod give up by now put your staying strong and your kids will thank you for that!