We took a trip to Ireland last year, but it was just us. We knew immediately the kids would love it, so this time we brought the kids to Ireland! Day 1 We left the house Monday, August 14th about noon and arrived at Newark International Airport at about 2:30, breezed through security, and sat […]
What I Will Not Teach My Boys
This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I may make money when you purchase through them.
I’ve always struggled with my body image. I grew up in a house where I was constantly told how heavy I was. I blame my mother, she blames her father. My grandfather bought my grandmother a new car when she lost 50 lbs. That’s just a little back story on how important weight/size was in the family growing up.
My senior year I had slimmed down a bit, yet I still thought I was too big (and I was larger than most of my friends in the “in-crowd”). I wish I knew how small I was and felt better about myself then.
 |
| My senior year (2004) with my sister |
My husband is much smaller than I am. While dating, my grandmother asked me many times “He’s okay that you’re so much bigger than he is”? and similar questions. This isn’t because my she’s against “fat” people, but because my grandfather has always treated her as though it’s awful that she’s “fat”. When I answered “he’s happy with me just as I am” she would say how nice that is and good for me for finding someone that’s okay with my size.
We’re going to skip ahead to more recent times. I gained quite a bit of weight- about 60 lbs after high school. I tried weight watchers and that worked well when I stuck with it. Mostly, I think I just need to exercise. I went from playing 2 sports in high school to being a bump on a log basically.
 |
| My sister and I in 2011 |
Everyone talks about making sure that little girls grow up knowing that the media is not an accurate representation of what women look like. What we forget is that our boys need to learn this too. I still have serious issues with the way my body looks (and that was before having 2 children via c-section). One thing I have to remember though is that I’m raising the next generation. We need the boys of that generation to know that women are beautiful in every size. I do not want my boys to hear me complain about how fat I am or how I wish I looked like this or that. Charlie is repeating everything Mommy says lately (and usually things he shouldn’t). I don’t want him to learn this habit and think that other girls are fat because that’s what mommy said. He needs to know that Daddy loves Mommy and that Mommy loves Mommy. This awesome body has carried two children, it hugs them, and nourishes them. When Owen sees Mommy, he’s not going to think, “Wow, mom could lose a little weight”, he’s thinking “dinner”. And Charlie’s not comparing me to every other woman he sees, he’s thinking he wants to cuddle and sit on my lap.
I may not be proud of my body, but I will not teach my boys this. Hopefully they grow up thinking mommy is beautiful and confident. Hopefully they will see me as a good example of how to treat themselves and how to treat the future women in their life.
This is advice I need to remember to take. I need to remember that my boys look up to me- in more ways than the obvious.
Masshole Mommy says
I used to be very over weight. Very. Almost a year and a half ago, I hit my goal weight and my boys were with me during my journey. They saw how hard I worked to get healthy and take all that excess weight off (and keep it off). Now we eat healthy and they understand the importance of exercise and being healthy. I am proud of that as a parent.
mail4rosey says
It’s usually the girls we think of when having such discussions. You’re right though, it is every bit as important to think of the boys too!
Shell says
You know I agree with this! It is important for our boys.
The Rebel Chick says
I don’t have boys (just one daughter) but I can totally understand this. We need to teach ALL of our kids healthy body image!
Ashley McLure says
I have a boy and a girl. Both are aware that I’m not completely happy with my body, but they also know it’s because I want to get out and do more. It’s so easy to slip in to the body image slump that it’s hard to not dwell on it.
Melanie Scout says
I also have a boy and a girl, and even though I’m completely uncomfortable with my body, I try very hard not to show it to them. I don’t want them growing up things like that matter. The media makes me crazy though.
Anonymous says
I am always very particular if my boys mention anything about “fat” I definitely redirect their way of thinking! Although I certainly could lose weight….I’m happy with who I am and focus my energies on making sure we eat healthy! Although as with anything that can be an obsession too! 🙂 Keep on working hard to show your kids a good self-image! ~Crystal
MJ says
I am so glad you consider your boys when thinking about being a great example to them. We can all make healthy improvements but I say this: Love your body. It allows you to be alive and gave you the gift of motherhood! Thanks for sharing.
Lisa Joy Thompson says
I am working on losing 100 pounds and with 4 kids (3 girls and a boy), I have to be very careful about what I say. I’m trying to use words like healthier instead of thinner. I’ve always been conscious about what I say around my girls, but this was a good reminder that I need to be careful around my son too! Thanks!
A Mom's Take says
I agree, that is a very important lesson boys need to learn. Maybe even more important that the boys learn it then the girls because the boys impact so directly how the girls feel about themselves by how they treat them.
Susanna Barbee says
I have two little boys, and I think that along with appearance, society places pressure on how boys should act. Boys are supposed to be rough and athletic and boisterous. Well, I have one boy like that and defies this stereotype. He is quiet, sweet, introspective, loves Legos, and does not particularly care for sports. My main goal is to ensure that my boys are confident no matter their looks or personality. They’re perfect as they are!
Tara Newman says
Good perspective Christina. It is just as important to teach boys that lesson and let’s face it…boys aren’t immune to eating disorders. I know many male sufferers. I, too, came from a family where my body weight and what I ate was a constant discussion.
jaime says
I have similar family members – the ones who make the comments and have made them to me and to my brother. I’ve vowed NOT to do that to my son. It doesn’t help anyone, especially the person who is being targeted with the comments.
Lindsey Paris says
Children in general need to learn moderation and healthful living. Also, that a stick figure presented by the media does not mean beautiful!! Health comes in all shapes and sizes! I still have 8+ pounds of baby weight (son is 2.5) but I can run a half marathon now. I’m in better cardio health than ever before!
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell says
You’re making an excellent point, and I’m not sure people think of that enough. Our boys are little sponges and they’re going to remember what they hear.
Alissa says
I’m so cautious around the kids when it comes to anything weight-related. I want to teach them to be confident and healthy – and that starts with projecting that image myself!
Sippy Cup Mom says
I completely agree! Most of the time I think I have to be positive for my girls, but I have to do it for my son too!
Young At Heart Mommy says
I totally agree with you. It is beyond important to show the little men of the future that every woman is beautiful not matter their shape, size, or beauty on the outside. It’s about what is inside. That’s what counts most.
Tess says
It is important to watch what we say. I like to just say I want to get healthy.
Candy says
I agree with you mama!! It’s important to teach our boys that all women are beautiful.
Piera Jolly says
This is so right on! It’s just as important to teach boys this as well!
Christy@SweetandSavoring says
Having kids around makes you so much more aware of what you say, doesn’t it? They don’t know what’s right or wrong unless we tell them, and words can be very powerful things. Good for you!
Paige Nicole says
You’re so right that we need to teach boys about body image! They go through just as many things as the girls!
Onica MommyFactor says
I have a son also and I try to teach him to see people from the inside and not so much on the outside. I’m sure your sons see all the good that you’ve done and not so much about your size. Which is the way things should be
Maddi'sMommy says
So often we worry about our daughters, it’s just as important that we worry about our sons. Now more than ever men feel societies body image pressures in more ways than one.
Deborah says
I don’t know how I missed this one before, but I really liked reading it. I agree with everything that you said, especially that you wished you knew how small you were in high school. Looking at that picture makes me so mad because we were both really skinny, but yet we were both told we were so fat. Once I went to college, I tried to not care about what mom and pop-pop would say all the time… and that’s when I really did get fat.
Crystal P says
I have a friend who’s young son already has terrible body image issues. It’s tough on the boys just as it is the girls! Great post. -April
Cara says
Thanks for the reminder that body image issues affects boys just as much as girls. I’m trying to do the same thing with my kids and not project my issues on to them.
Liza @ VFtV says
I think this is so important! Boys are often over-looked in the body conversation department and they need to know not only what’s realistic for the women that will be in their lives, but also for themselves. I met 2 different guys while in college that had eating disorders in HS.